Okay, best thing ever: Star Wars nights at local karate/kenpo dojo, February 12 and 26

It’s just like a Star Wars movie, live, happening right in front of you! Only with better acting and dialogue, probably.

Strongsville’s AA Kenpo Karate Studios, following the lead of various similar classes and cosplayers nationwide, now offers “Jedi Lightsaber” classes, a sort of modified form of Japanese swordsmanship tied in with the Star Wars film series.

It’s actually pretty clever, really; arguably one of the best ideas George Lucas had in all of Star Wars was to tap into the Asian martial-arts traditions and conflicts of good master/bad master, an Eastern vibe that most mainstream movie critics didn’t even take very seriously as drama at all until CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON came along. Lucas was way ahead of mainstream tastemakers on that score.

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb

Review by Bob Ignizio

You probably shouldn't expect too much out of the third installment in a corporate kiddie franchise like NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: SECRET OF THE TOMB. Those low expectations combined with sad recent events involving one of the film's supporting players, Robin Williams, come together to give what might otherwise have been a throwaway scene some genuine emotional impact. If you don't tear up at least a little bit when Williams, as Teddy Roosevelt, gives his farewell speech, your heart must be made of stone.

The plot this time around finds the magic tablet that allows the exhibits in the American Museum of Natural History to come to life losing its power thanks to some kind of mystical tarnish. To find out what's wrong, museum guard Larry (Ben Stiller) sets off to the British Museum at the suggestion of Ahkmenrah (Rami Malek). The young pharaoh believes his father Merenkahre (Ben Kingsley), on display at the other museum, will know what to do.

Penguins of Madagascar

Review by Bob Ignizio

Having previously appeared in the three MADAGASCAR feature films and being spun off into a TV series on Nickelodeon, the PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR now get their own feature film. The plot involves an angry octopus named Dave (voice of John Malkovich) trying to get revenges on Skipper (Tom McGrath), Kowalski (Chris Miller), Rico (Conrad Vernon), and Private (Christopher Knights), collectively the Penguins of the title. Seems as though every time Dave would settle in to a zoo, marine park, or aquarium and win over the adoring public, the penguins would be shipped in and steal his thunder. There's just no way a homely cephalopod can compete with such plucky cuteness.

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Review by Matt Finley

Disney's ALEXANDER AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY is the latest effort to wring a feature-length family film from a single-sitting children's picture book, in the case Judith Viorst’s 1972 classic of the same name. Having sat through similar adaptations of wildly varying quality, from Spike Jones' sublime WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE to the execrable THE CAT IN THE HAT, the bracingly hilarious CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS to average ol’ JUMANJI, I had no idea where on this specialized cinematic bell curve ALEXANDER, directed by Miguel Arteta (CEDAR RAPIDS), would fall.

The answer: right at the tippy-top peak of mediocrity, superlatively lukewarm.

Toy Story 2 (Feburary 15th at the CWRU Film Society, Strosacker Auditorium)

[TOY STORY 2 screens Saturday February 15th at 7:00 pm and 9:00 pm at the CWRU Film Society, Strosacker Auditorium.]

Review by Charles Cassady, Jr.

Someday, if and when entertainment historians contemplate how technology made human actors largely obsolete (and not a moment too soon), the TOY STORY movies will get their due. With TOY STORY 2, the sequel to the 1995 original sensation, Pixar's computer-generated characters based on household toys display more personality, charisma, emotion and finesse than their flesh-and-blood counterparts in most live-action Hollywood productions.

Of course, it's an unfair comparison. The digital thespians get consistently better scripts.

In TOY STORY 2 catastrophe befalls the once-durable cloth doll Cowboy Woody (voiced by Tom Hanks). A ripped seam in the toy's arm compels his owner Andy to leave Woody at home while he's off at summer camp. Woody and playroom cohorts Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen), Mr. Potato Head (Don Rickles), Slinky Dog (the late, underrated Jim `Ernest' Varney) and Rex (Wallace Shawn) know what this portends; a broken toy is destined for the trash, or just as bad - the yard sale.

WARM UP THIS WINTER WITH CLEVELAND CINEMAS’ $1 FAMILY FILMS SERIES

[Press release from Cleveland Cinemas.]

 

Cleveland Cinemas presents a line-up a line-up of  $1 FAMILY FILMS this winter. Each Saturday and Sunday morning at 11:00 AM for four weeks, select locations will be screening a collection of contemporary and classic family films.

 

Locations screening the films are: the Apollo Theatre (19 E. College Street, Oberlin), the Capitol Theatre (1390 W. 65^th St., Cleveland), Chagrin Cinemas (8200 E. Washington St., Chagrin Falls) and Shaker Square Cinemas (13116 Shaker Square, Cleveland).

 

“We’re excited to offer our $1 Family Films this winter,” says Ken Young, Cleveland Cinemas Director of Operations.  “With tickets priced at just $1, parents can take advantage of this low-cost opportunity to take their children to the theatre to see these great family films.”

 

The Sandlot's 20th-anniversary tour - with the original filmmaker - slides into town on July 12.

[Event preview by Charles Cassady, Jr.]

What important thing happened 20 years ago? Oh, besides the last known time someone in Cleveland actually found a job? It was the premiere of THE SANDLOT, the family comedy that brought to amateur baseball the same effortlessly entertaining vibe that A CHRISTMAS STORY did for Noel. This summer, to coincide with the DVD/Blu Ray anniversary edition of the Fox release, writer-director-narrator David Mickey Evans is touring with the film and meeting fans.

Evans will visit Classic Park, home of the Lake County Captains, on Friday, July 12, for a fan meet-and-greet and a screening of the movie (now rated G by the MPAA; the original cut was PG).

Set in 1962, 1993’s THE SANDLOT was based on Evans’ childhood memories and was deliberately cast with young unknowns (though grownup actors Denis Leary, James Earl Jones and Karen Allen had nice supporting turns). The plot has non-athlete kid Scotty uprooted by his mother's remarriage and relocated to a California town where he befriends local boys playing casually in a vacant lot adjacent to a junkyard - a junkyard wherein a legendary monster guard dog, "the Beast" (cleverly glimpsed in bits and pieces as a horrific menace in outsized-creature puppetry) has a habit of intercepting and hoarding fouls over the fence.

Cleveland Cinemas’ $1 Family Films Series kicks off with showings of the original “Muppet Movie”

[Press release from Cleveland Cinemas.]

Cleveland Cinemas, with the support of V107.3, Family Fun Directory, Nestle USA & Ingenuity Fest, will present its $1 FAMILY FILMS series, June 18 through July 25, at the Capitol Theatre (1390 W. 65th St., Cleveland), Chagrin Cinemas (8200 E. Washington St., Chagrin Falls) and Shaker Square Cinemas (13116 Shaker Square, Cleveland).

“We’re excited to offer our $1 Family Films this summer,” says Ken Young, Cleveland Cinemas Director of Operations. “With tickets priced at just $1, parents can take advantage of this low-cost opportunity to take their children to the theatre to see these great family films.”

Films, locations, dates and times are as follows:

The Croods

Review by Pete Roche

Look out, Flintstones—there’s another funny Stone Age family in town. 

The  latest computer-animated adventure from DreamWorks (SHREK, MADAGASCAR) follows the titular clan of Paleolithic people as they search for a new home and embrace change during a time of tectonic upheaval.  We’ve seen earthquakes, eruptions, and exodus in the ICE AGE and LAND BEFORE TIME franchises, but the creators behind THE CROODS bring enough new material to the caveman caravan to keep viewers engaged.  They also mix movie tropes, combining the dinosaur dynamics of LAND OF THE LOST, kooky kinships of The Simpsons (with their good-hearted but lunk-headed father), and the familiar premise of overbearing father versus independent daughter.  The result is QUEST FOR FIRE meets The Family Guy.

Oz the Great and Powerful

Review by Bob Ignizio

Womanizing carnival magician Oscar (James Franco) escapes from the vengeful boyfriend of a recent conquest via hot air balloon, but soon finds himself swept away to a magical land via tornado in OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL. Grateful to have survived, Oscar swears to change his ways. When Oscar finds himself caught in the middle of a fight between three witches – Theodora (Mila Kunis), Glinda (Michelle Williams) and Evanora (Rachael Weisz) for control of the Emerald City, however, his old cad instincts kick in again as he tries to play the angles in the way that will benefit him the most. With the whole kingdom counting on him, can Oscar finally turn over a new leaf and become the great wizard everyone says he is?

Unless you somehow have absolutely no knowledge of Frank L. Baum's The Wizard of Oz and its 1939 film adaptation, it's not much of a mystery. We know where the Wizard winds up; we just didn't know how he got there. Well, thanks to OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL, now we do. We also get a couple of new magical characters to take the place of the Cowardly Lion (seen briefly, or at least I think it was supposed to be him), Tin Man, and Scarecrow: Finley (voiced by Zach Braff) is a flying monkey who finds himself stuck helping Oscar with his deceptions, and a little girl made out of China (Joey King) who may be fragile, but certainly isn't weak.

31 Days of Halloween 2012: The Halloween Tree

An appreciation by Charles Cassady, Jr.

Reading down the "31 Days of Halloween" project foisted upon readers of the Cleveland Movie Blog has indeed been an education, even for someone such as I, having considered myself a trashhound of longstanding. Truly, I've never heard of most of these movies, or at least heard nothing much good about them. Bob Ignizio - who walked out on BATTLESHIP, mind you - just gave much love to a movie called NUDE FOR SATAN. Yes, NUDE FOR SATAN. The most inappropriate combination of words ever put together, except maybe "Ingenuity Cleveland." Yet he liked it!

(For my part, I did at least see another 31 Days of Halloween recommendation, BLOODY PIT OF HORROR. It was for sale at a distant thrift store near where I had an interview for a job opportunity that might have turned my life around; I figured it would make a whack souvenir of the interview. I didn't get the job. So any negative opinion I might express here about the worth of BLOODY PIT OF HORROR is likely to be affected by despair, regret and resentment; maybe decades from now I'll evaluate more objectively.)

Mitsy's Magnificent Makeover (now on video)

[MITSY'S MAGNIFICENT MAKEOVER is now available on home video.]

Review by Charles Cassady, Jr.

Why does the Cleveland Movie Blog, our tastes leaning a bit Ghoulardiward at all times, take note of a minor-key kiddie direct-to-video babysitter like MITSY'S MAGNIFICENT MAKEOVER? Does it represent the final, unreleased masterwork of Lucio Fulci? Does it include the famously censored decapitation scenes, finally discovered on Hong Kong laserdisc? Does it get away from the campy, silly Mitsy of the 1960s and back to the original, dark, brooding psychotic Mitsy of the 1930s and 40s?

No, the deal is that this all-CGI semi-musical children's short feature (or long short subject) is that it represents yet another step forward for true "desktop filmmaking." Francis Ford Coppola, if my memory serves me right, prophesied that, with the advent of digital film and computer-editing suites affordable to the masses, someday the next CITIZEN KANE would not hail from a mighty Hollywood soundstage but rather from the bedroom of some adolescent Jewish girl in Cleveland.

Quill: The Life of a Guide Dog (August 17th and 18th at the Cleveland Cinematheque)

[QUILL: THE LIFE OF A GUIDE DOG screens Friday August 17th at 5:30 pm and Saturday August 18th at 7:00 pm at the Cleveland Cinematheque.]

Review by Bob Ignizio

In the tradition of OLD YELLER and other kid's movies that will tear your heart out and stomp on it comes QUILL: THE LIFE OF A GUIDE DOG. Although QUILL is in most regards a family friendly film, it bears mentioning that the subtitles may not go over well with some kids (or their parents for that matter). And then there's the straightforward way it deals with tragedies of both the human and canine variety. There's certainly nothing inappropriate for kids here, but parents may want to consider whether their children are emotionally able to deal with some pretty sad stuff. Now with that out of the way, on to the merits of the film itself.

QUILL is based on the true story of a seeing eye dog in Japan that begins with the birth of the titular pup and follows him through all the stages of his early growth, training, placement with a blind person, and beyond. That allows viewers to get some idea of the work that goes into training a guide dog and the way that training pays off for the person the dog is assigned to. In addition, the film includes an interesting human story via Quill's owner, Mr. Watanabe (Kaoru Kobayashi).

Dope Island: Everybody Loved Ray: The Best Bradbury Feature You Never Saw

By Charles Cassady, Jr.

Was I just not paying close attention, or were the media observances of Ray Bradbury’s death at 91 this June pretty subdued? Some old guy in California croaked; don’t worry, no Kardashians were harmed. That’s the kind of thinking I fear goes on in what newsrooms remain operational these days.

One of the most heartfelt tributes to the fantasy-oriented author-poet-playwright hailed from local novelist Les Roberts on his website www.lesroberts.com; I urge all to read it who know of Ray Bradbury as more than just someone whose stuff you had to ingest in school. For myself, I can only say that when I was a young lad a next-door neighbor girl, Rita, gave me a paperback of The Martian Chronicles as a Christmas gift. She was almost apologetic about it; she had no idea what I wanted and just grabbed the first book on the rack at the drugstore. Needless to say, the book (which was not a homework assignment) held me absolutely spellbound, and I’ve always been grateful to her.

Touchback

Review by Bob Ignizio

People love to whine and moan about how such and such a movie is “just a rip-off” of another film. We've seen this recently with THE HUNGER GAMES and BATTLE ROYALE. The truth is, though, there are only so many basic stories and they get recycled all the time. And as long as the recycling is done well enough, everybody is happy. Case in point: how often have you heard anyone complain that STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE is “just a rip-off” of Akira Kurosawa's THE HIDDEN FORTRESS? If you've never seen THE HIDDEN FORTRESS, check it out and you'll see I'm not kidding. So it's not really an issue for me that the plot of TOUCHBACK is one we've seen variations on in countless movies and TV shows; it's what writer/director Don Handfield does with the premise that matters.

In a nutshell, TOUCHBACK combines elements of IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE and PEGGY SUE GOT MARRIED, to name just two prominent films with similar plots. Scott (Brian Presley) was the star quarterback at a small southern Ohio school in his high school years. During the final minutes of “the big game”, Scott chose to ignore his coach (Kurt Russell) and run a different play. His decision results in victory for the team, but Scott winds up with a debilitating injury that dashes any hopes for a future in the sport.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island

Review by Matt Finley

JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND is genetically engineered to screen amid an adrenal, pre-pubescent haze of pizza belches and the bright, drifting spore from exploded Pixie Stix. Outright panning this film would be like kicking a puppy - despite its exhaustive, destinationless energy, the thing is relentlessly positive and completely helpless to defend itself. With alternating scenes of action and comedy that twitch out in 5-minute bursts before spazzing along to the next lizard attack or joke about The Rock's gift for (admittedly hypnotizing) pectoral aerobics, the movie knows that, for its key demo, the theater is merely a pit stop between a Mountain Dew binge and the next Call of Duty firefight.

That said, it's pretty fun. Of course it doesn't come close to realizing the sharply imagined and deftly crafted science fiction of Jules Verne, the object of its narrative obsession, but the fifth grade fantasists of America's literary future will find more than enough to enthusiastically recount to a rapt audience of recess buddies.

The Emperor's New Groove (December 9 at 7, 9 and 11 p.m. at the CWRU Film Society, Strosacker Auditorium)

[THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE screens Friday December 9th at 7, 9 and 11 pm at the CWRU Film Society, Strosacker Auditorium.]

Review by Charles Cassady, Jr.

Like something out of Rankin/Bass' Island of Misfit Toys, THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE is an oddball also-ran from Disney's Magic Kingdom of animation, a featherweight burlesque from 2000 that looks like it was doodled out hastily as a goof, take it or leave it. The anything-goes sense of humor and sitcom-based lines have equal appeal to children and grownups, so there's that. Many cartoons before or since can't even boast that much.

African Cats (now on home video)

[AFRICAN CATS is now available on home video.]

Review by Charles Cassady, Jr.

I don't want to throw cold water on the good news, but recently it was announced that nearly 500 new jobs would be created in Lorain County via Republic Steel ramping up their new furnace. Yes, fine, but I can't help but feel that if evil aliens craving human flesh ever wanted to capture hundreds of victims…this is exactly how they'd go about it. Announce a jobs windfall in Lorain or Cleveland, set up interviews outside a big holding-pen type structure, then blast off when the larder was filled to capacity. A real bad sign: if the employee handbook is entitled "To Serve Man." I'm just saying, consider what's more likely, statistically - an industrial-economic comeback for northeast Ohio - or space invasion? See my point? I hope the Lorain authorities will just stand by to make sure the folks coming out of the interviews aren't pod-people duplicates or anything.


Maybe a less fanciful sign of the downsize/layoff/slashfest that passes for our modern economy are the folks at Disney. Disney never has been the Happiest Place on Earth for labor relations, and based on what I'm reading, if Walt had actually written the original fairy tale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs the movie would've been called SNOW WHITE AND THE THREE DWARFS AND THE FOUR VERY SHORT UNPAID INTERNS. That brings us to the secret behind DisneyNature.

Johnny English Reborn

Review by Pete Roche

British funnyman Rowan Atkinson returns as the titular intelligence-challenged superspy in JOHNNY ENGLISH REBORN, a follow-up to the 2003 Studio Canal/Working Title James Bond parody.  The royal crown’s answer to Inspector Jacques Clouseau of the French Surete (PINK PANTHER) or Frank Drebin of America’s Police Squad (THE NAKED GUN), English is a determined but catastrophically clumsy crime-fighter whose sleuthing successes are typically manifested by way of accident or third-party intervention.

The sequel is packed with more nods to iconic stunts and gizmo-gadgets from the celebrated Albert Broccoli 007 series:  English spars with a villain while dangling from a cable car tram, a la MOONRAKER.  He parachute jumps from a snowy promontory, paying homage to Roger Moore’s opening gambit from THE SPY WHO LOVED ME.  And Johnny’s principal antagonist owns a well-guarded mountaintop fortress, a la ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE.  There’s also a boat pursuit, an unorthodox helicopter flight, a camera whose lens launches missiles, and a voice-activated Rolls Royce. 

Real Steel

Review by Matt Finley

Chalk it up to low expectations, but the first thing I dug about Shawn Levy’s (NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM, DATE NIGHT) tale of redemption and droid-on-droid fisticuffs, REAL STEEL, is something it didn’t do: scroll out a GB’s worth of expositional text in some brutally exaggerated "future" font (you know what I mean: Earth. The year is 2027. Humans have blah blah new sport, robot fighting something blah.) From there on, the film continuously defied even my most cynical expectations. There’s no over-teched, neon-drenched cliché of an urban setting, no leather-laced light-up haberdashery, and no over-beaten horse corpse of an Orwellian government or sinister corporation… There’s just a scrappy ex-boxer, a precocious kid and a trash-picked robot determinedly (robot) fighting their way to the top of the (robo)heap. The result is a tight and undeniably joyful film that’s biggest flaw is an excess of heart – an almost welcome peccadillo given this age of oppressively smug and jaded Hollywood cinema.