Underworld: Blood Wars (now on home video)

Review by Bob Ignizio

Plotless is a criticism one often sees leveled against action films. That's one failing  UNDERWORLD: BLOOD WARS certainly does not suffer from. On the contrary, there is so much plot that the film becomes a huge, incomprehensible mess. Not only do we have four previous films worth of backstory to recount in flashbacks and voice-overs, but there are multiple factions of vampires and werewolves each working to their own ends as they cross and double-cross each other. And sure, you can follow it if you pay close attention, but given how dumb and ridiculous it all is, the rewards don’t really justify the effort.

Dumb and ridiculous has always been a trademark of the UNDERWORLD series in which blood sucking “death dealer” Selene (Kate Beckinsale) has to do battle with the savage Lycans (the series name for werewolves) while simultaneously fending off scheming members her own kind. That was fine in the previous films, though, as it never felt like they took themselves all that seriously. As disposable as they may have been, they were entertaining on a B movie level, always offering plenty of well-staged action scenes and cheesy special effects. Here, the action and CGI monsters seem like more of an afterthought, with Cory Goodman’s script instead focusing on the dense mythology of the series.

 

Escape From New York (screens Oct.13 and Oct. 15 at the Cleveland Cinematheque)

[ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK screens Friday October 13th at 7:30 pm and Sunday October 15th at 9:50 pm at the Cleveland Cinemathque.]

Review by Charles Cassady, Jr.

All his career John Carpenter has told folks that he’s really only wanted to make “westerns.” Yet he has consistently delivered horror and science-fiction and the occasional one-off nonconformist like a good TV biopic of Elvis Presley (featuring Kurt Russell) or the police thriller ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13, which is regarded as a partial remake of RIO BRAVO. Okay, but not since his student-film days, if I’m not mistaken, has the dude actually delivered a genuine western.

Maybe he’s doing one of those things from The Little Prince, in which there’s a drawing of a lamb that is so perfect it’s just the box in which the lamb resides; you will never actually see a lamb, but you can still just imagine how the drawing is exactly right (sort of like my career). Same with John Carpenter and his “westerns.”

Carpenter’s 1981 flick ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, at least, does have the DNA of a proper Hollywood-studio western, in the Howard Hawks no-funny-business filmmaking style (most recently personified by Clint Eastwood’s work behind the cameras), hitched to a high-concept dystopia plot.

Once Upon a Time (opens August 11th at Cinemark at Valley View)

[ONCE UPON A TIME opens in Cleveland on Friday August 11^th at Cinemark at Valley View.]

Review by Bob Ignizio

There’s a whole lot of plot in the epic action/romance/fantasy film ONCE UPON A TIME. Like, literally three lifetimes worth of plot. And not just ordinary lifetimes, but the lifetimes of immortal Chinese gods who live for hundreds of years, then get reborn to live hundreds more.

As is often the case in movies about gods, whatever their nationality, there’s lots of scheming and plotting by one deity against another. In this case, Bai Qian (Liu Yifei) is the immortal being plotted against, although we don’t initially know the details of who is doing the plotting or why. All we know when we are first introduced to her is that she has fallen from the heavens, and upon landing on earth, has lost much of her memory.

The Dark Tower

Review by Bob Ignizio

Critics have for the most part been incredibly harsh in their reviews of THE DARK TOWER, the first attempt to adapt Stephen King’s epic fantasy/horror/sci-fi/western series for the big screen. To be sure, the end results are not best of the year list material. But neither are they all that bad. The problem, I imagine, is that with a cast of this caliber (Idris Elba and Mathew McConaughey representing the forces of good and evil, respectively) and the hype that comes with adapting (or, perhaps more accurately, continuing) such a beloved series, expectations were high. Too high.

The fact is, with a budget of 60 million, expectations for THE DARK TOWER should have been more in line with similarly budgeted genre fare like the MAZE RUNNER: THE SCORCH TRIALS or the RESIDENT EVIL films, not something with the scope and production values of HARRY POTTER or THE HUNGER GAMES. One can certainly make the argument that THE DARK TOWER needed a bigger budget to do the source material justice, but for better or worse that wasn’t the case. Given what director Nikolaj Arcel and his team had to work with, the end product really isn’t that bad.

Baby Driver

Review by Bob Ignizio

While it's certainly a thrilling car chase/heist/action film, Edgar Wright's BABY DRIVER is also very much a musical. The actor's don't sing, nor do they dance. But every scene is tightly choreographed –  the movements of the actors, the camerawork, the editing – to perfectly match the beat of whatever song happens to be playing on the ipod of getaway driver Baby (Ansel Elgort). And there isn't a time that Baby doesn't have his ipod on, as he uses music to drown out the constant ringing in his ears, the lasting effect of a car accident when he was a child that also took the lives of his mother and father.

This being a movie, Baby is, of course, the best at what he does. The reason he does it is because he owes crime boss Doc (Kevin Spacey) for a past mistake. But Baby is only one job away from making good on his debt, and naively believes he'll be able to walk away. He even thinks he has a chance at romance with a diner waitress named Debora (Lily James). But as Bats (Jamie Foxx), one of the criminals Baby drives for, says, "The moment you catch feelings is the moment you catch a bullet."

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Review by Bob Ignizio

The original PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL was a moderately enjoyable time waster that gave Johnny Depp a chance to shine doing his best Keith Richards impression as Captain Jack Sparrow. If things had stopped there, all would have been well. Unfortunately, PIRATES turned into a franchise, with each subsequent film becoming more bloated and stupid.

It's been 6 years since the last tedious tentpole, ON STRANGER TIDES. With the major studios pretty much terrified of making anything that isn't a sequel, remake, reboot, or comic book adaptation, Disney has gone to the well one more time with PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES. It is every bit as dumb, cluttered, ugly, and obnoxious as the previous sequels.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

By George M. Thomas

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 opens on screens Friday.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2 earns a rare distinction.  It joins a list of films -  THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE– that equals or outdoes a predecessor.

A myriad of reasons reveal themselves to bolster that assessment.  Guardians, however, has shown in two outings that it’s the one series in the Marvel Cinematic Universe that can balance humor, action and heartfelt emotion into a charming, irresistible cinematic cocktail – one that’s easy to consume and say “Thank you, please, may I please have another.”

Ghost in the Shell

Review by Bob Ignizio

In the near-future world of GHOST IN THE SHELL, mechanical augmentation is commonplace. However, The Major (Scarlett Johansson) is the only human to have had their brain transplanted into a completely robotic body. At least that's what she's been told. As she sets out to investigate a series of terrorist attacks on executives from the leading cybernetics company, The Major learns that there may have been earlier experiments. It also appears the story she was told about her body being damaged in a terrorist attack, thus necessitating her present condition, is not entirely factual.

That's the set-up for this live action adaptation of the Japanese manga and anime film of the same name. Although there are differences in each of the versions (not to mention the sequels and reboots the property has spawned in its native country), all iterations share similar themes about what it means to be human, the drive to achieve physical perfection at all costs, the impact of technology on society, and the ramifications of corporations having too much power.

Power Rangers

Review by Bob Ignizio

Even if you believe that an edgy, more mature take on the nineties kid's TV show Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers is a good idea (it isn't), the execution in director Dean Israelite's POWER RANGERS is terrible. We're barely five minutes into the film before we get a gag about giving a bull a handjob. That was funny the first time I saw it in KINGPIN, but it seems kind of inappropriate for a movie that's aiming for a family audience. Not to mention the execution of the gag pales in comparison to the way the Farrelly's did it.

That's your first indication that this film is going to be a horrible misfire.

Angel Grove High's star football player Jason (Dacre Montgomery) is given extended detention and house arrest after stealing a rival school's mascot (the aforementioned bull). There he meets autistic genius Billy (RJ Cyler) and Kimberly (Naomi Scott), a cheerleader with anger issues. The final two rangers are Zack (Ludi Lin), a kid who skips school a lot and lives in a trailer with his sick mom, and "new girl" Trini (Becky G), who is wary of getting too close to anyone.

Logan

Review by Bob Ignizio

Although it exists within the X-men series of films dealing with a band of mutant superheroes, James Mangold's LOGAN is less a superhero film and more a serious, adult action film. The kind of movie Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson might have starred in in the seventies. Sure, the title character has metal claws that pop out of his hands, as well as the ability to heal from almost any wound, but this is a much different, and much more grown-up beast than your average comic book fare.

The violence is part of that, to be sure. From its very first scene, LOGAN announces its intention to earn its 'R' rating as Hugh Jackman's hirsute hero slices and dices a group of car thieves unlucky enough to have picked his limousine as their target.

The Great Wall

Review by Bob Ignizio

Critically acclaimed Chinese filmmaker Zhang Yimou delivers a fantasy epic in which color-coded warriors and a grungy looking Matt Damon do battle with hordes of CGI monsters in the most expensive film ever shot entirely in China, THE GREAT WALL.

Mercenary William Garin (Damon) and his Spanish friend Pero (Perdo Pascal) are all that's left of a band of warriors hoping to get their hands on some of China's rumored super weapon, a mysterious black powder (gun powder, natch). Instead they stumble into a centuries-old battle between Chinese soldiers manning the Great Wall of China and some vaguely defined space monster dragon things that can only be killed by shooting them in the eye. And for some reason magnets make them zonk out. How does that work? I don't know, ask Insane Clown Posse.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

Review by Bob Ignizio

Sometimes even a dumb movie can tap into the spirit of the times. And when it comes to dumb movies, few have been dumber than those in the RESIDENT EVIL series. Don't get me wrong; I've enjoyed most of them, but they've hardly been works of cinematic art. That said, both the games they are based on and the films themselves have, from the get-go, had an anti-corporate, anti-establishment subtext. And maybe it's just the swirl of current events coloring my perceptions, but it seems as if RESIDENT EVIL: THE FINAL CHAPTER really plays that angle up.

How so? Well, one could very easily sum up the plot as, "nasty women Alice (series star Milla Jovovich) and Claire (Ali Larter) battle an evil patriarchy represented by the (literally) twin forces of religious extremism and corporate greed, both played by Iain Glen, and their armies of mindless zombie hordes. There's also an older woman with ties to Alice who once represented a great hope for humanity as a child, but later in life sold out to corporate interests.

Reading too much into it? Maybe. But I paid my money to be entertained, and I find that interpretation very entertaining at this moment in time.

Monster Trucks

Review by Bob Ignizio

When a movie's title doubles as its plot synopsis, you know you're not dealing with Oscar caliber material. And so it is with MONSTER TRUCKS, from director Chris Wedge (ICE AGE, EPIC) and screenwriter Derek Connolly (JURASSIC WORLD, SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED). 

It's a movie about subterranean creatures who get pulled to the surface by a dastardly, greedy oil company. 2 of the creatures are captured, but a third gets away and, before long, has taken up residence in the old pick-up truck belonging to bad boy high school student Tripp Cooley (Lucas Till), who looks like the love child of Patrick Swayze and Kurt Russell.

After some initial freaking out about, you know, a giant monster living in his truck, Tripp befriends the beast and, along with his cute but uptight tutor Meredith (Jane Levy).

Arsenal (opens in Mentor January 6th at Atlas Diamond Center Cinemas)

[ARSENAL opens in Mentor, OH on Friday January 6th exclusively at Atlas Diamond Center Cinemas 16.]

Review by Bob Ignizio

Brothers. The South. Sweat and dirt. Money problems. Drugs. Seedy hotels. Old beat up cars. A half-baked scheme to get money that inevitably goes wrong. Gratuitious violence. Gratuitious slow-motion. Gratuitous slow-mostion violence. Gratuitous Nicolas Cage in a bad wig. Gratuitous John Cusack in a do-rag. That's probably more useful than any plot synopsis I could give you for ARSENAL, the new low budget crime film from screenwriter Jason Mosberg and prolific schlock director Steven C. Miller that is inexplicably getting a limited theatrical run rather than heading straight for streaming and/or DVD and Blu Ray.

While Cage and Cusack's performances give the film what limited interest it has, the actual stars are Adrian Grenier as responsible brother JP, and Johnathon Schaech as "bad boy" Mikey. You've seen this sibling dynamic in countless other crime films, and there's nothing here that adds anything new to it. And that's pretty much the entire movie in a nutshell, whether we're talking plot, characters, or themes.

Assassin's Creed

Review by Bob Ignizio

Video game movies have a reputation for sucking among both movie fans and video game fans. ASSASSIN'S CREED makes an effort, but ultimately fails to change that.

The film is reasonably faithful to its source material, focusing on a man named Cal (Michael Fassbender) who is being used in a past life regression experiment by a secretive group of scientists and shady characters. The scientist heading up this experiment is Sofia (Marion Cotillard), and she claims her goal is to find a way to rid mankind of its violent impulses. But the person who is really running the show is Sofia's father Rikkin (Jeremy Irons), who is himself working for a secret society descended from the Knights Templar. His goal, and the group's, is to use Cal's memories to help find "The Apple of Eden" (yes, that apple), which they believe contains information that can eliminate free will in humans at a genetic level.

The Age of Shadows (December 8th and 9th at the Cleveland Cinematheque)

[THE AGE OF SHADOWS screens Thursday December 8th at 8:25 pm and Friday December 9th at 8:55 pm at the Cleveland Cinematheque.]

Review by Bob Ignizio

It's the late 1920s, and Korea is under Japanese occupation. Police captain Lee Jung-chool (Song Kang-ho) has thrown in with the enemy, and while he enjoys the position and power this has afforded him, his betrayal is starting to nag at his conscience. Japanese officer Hashimoto (Um Tae-goo) is ostensibly helping Lee track down the resistance, but in reality he is only out for his personal glory. And so the stage is set for this double crossing cop to switch sides yet again, or so resistance leader Che-san (Lee Byung-hun) hopes. To this end, he asks his lieutenant Kim Woo-jin (Gong Yoo) to give Lee the push he needs to come back to the side of his people.

Written and directed by Kim Jee-woon, THE AGE OF SHADOWS is a sumptuous period epic. Kim has gone the epic route before, with his quirky "Eastern Western" THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE WEIRD, but where that film had an infectious energy and sense of humor, this one is dry and slow moving. Not to mention difficult to follow at times. A few well-staged action scenes offer some entertainment value, and there's no doubt the film looks good and boasts strong performances. That's not enough to make for compelling viewing, though. 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Doctor Strange

Review by Bob Ignizio

In recent issues of Marvel comics (remember, those paper thingies the big blockbuster movies are based on?), Tony "Iron Man" Stark has taken to referring to Dr. Strange as his "facial hair bro." But the two characters have more in common than just their goatees. Each of them started out as a genius in his respective field – Stark in technology, Strange in neurosurgery. And each also started their journey to heroism as an arrogant asshole.

And yes, to some degree DOCTOR. STRANGE follows a superhero formula not even unique to these two characters, in which they must learn, after suffering severe misfortune, to put others ahead of themselves and become heroes. Just because it's been done before doesn't mean it's bad, and it certainly isn't here. But truth be told, it is starting to feel a bit familiar at this point.

Jack Reacher

Review by George M. Thomas

Tom Cruise as former Army Maj. Jack Reacher

The latest installment in the Jack Reacher series, JACKREACHER: NEVER GO BACK, misses something.   Mind you, it’s better than the first film in the series which introduced Lee Child’s literary hero.

However, it lacks some fundamental element – zip – for the actioner it wants to be.

Reacher’s the unconventional hero in some respects – having abandoned his career as major in the Army military police – and living a life without roots. He’s a mystery man going from spot-to-spot wherever he finds trouble or wherever it finds him. This time around, Reacher’s only looking for dinner with the person who now has his job.

Level Up (opens in Akron on August 26th at The Nightlight Cinema)

[LEVEL UP opens in Akron on Friday August 26th exclusively at The Nightlight Cinema.]

Review by Bob Ignizio

Technology, particularly a technology as ubiquitous as the internet has become, has a tendency to engender fear in those who see its potential for misuse. That fear, in turn, is often channeled into works of art, including, of course, the movies. That's certainly been borne out by the volume of internet-inspired horror films and cautionary tales, among them DISCONNECT, UNFRIENDED, THE DEN, and FEARDOTCOM.  Only time will tell whether these films turn out to be prescient or quaintly laughable. In the meantime, director/co-writer Adam Randall gives us another film reflecting the anxieties of our modern age in LEVEL UP.

Kubo and the Two Strings

Review by Bob Ignizio

Fleeing from his vengeful grandfather, the one-eyed boy Kubo (voiced by Art Parkinson) and his mother wash up on an island. There he makes a living by telling stories in a nearby village. As Kubo tells his tales, he plays a traditional Japanese stringed instrument whose music brings origami figures to life to act out his words. The only problem is Kubo can't ever seem to finish his tales. Still, the villagers keep coming back for more, anyway.

Meanwhile, Kubo's mother lays in a semi catatonic state all day, becoming somewhat more aware and energetic in the evening. She warns Kubo to always be back by nightfall, but of course one day he ignores this advice and finds himself being chased by a pair of evil spirits that turn out to be his Aunts (both voiced by Rooney Mara). They've been sent by Kubo's grandfather, the Moon King (voice of Ralph Fiennes), to bring the boy back. But it's not just a family reunion the Moon King wants; he also has designs on Kubo's other eye.