Kidnapping Mr. Heineken (opens in Cleveland March 6th exclusively at Shaker Square Cinemas)

[KIDNAPPING MR. HEINEKEN opens in Cleveland on Friday March 6th exclusively at Shaker Square Cinemas.]

Review by Bob Ignizio

In November of 1983, CEO of the Heineken beer company Freddy Heineken, along with his driver Ab Doderer, was kidnapped by a group of amateur criminals. They got their ransom money, fled to various countries to hide out, and were eventually caught and imprisoned. I know that's a fairly flat and terse description of the crime in question, but you should see how dull it looks on film in KIDNAPPING MR. HEINEKEN.

Cake

Review by Milan Paurich

In CAKE, the first thing you notice is Jennifer Aniston’s hair. It’s definitely not The Rachel, the iconic hairdo Aniston popularized while starring as Rachel Green on the beloved NBC sitcom, “Friends.” The most remarkable thing about Aniston’s CAKE ‘do is how truly ghastly it is: you’d swear Claire Simmons (Aniston’s character) hadn’t even picked up a shampoo bottle in months.

The utter lack of vanity evinced by Aniston in Daniel Barnz’s new movie only begins with her hair. Physically and emotionally, Aniston has never been more nakedly, even brutally, exposed than she is playing chronic pain sufferer Claire. Aniston’s performance is remarkable on multiple levels, yet the lack of cosmetic niceties—beginning with, but not limited to said hair—is what initially draws you in. We’re simply not used to seeing one of our most glamorous stars reduced to a ratty housecoat as her principal wardrobe choice.

Wrath of the Titans

Review by Pete Roche

A decade has passed since Perseus (Sam Worthington) rescued Princess Andromeda from the clutches of the dreaded Kraken and saved Argos from an incipient CLASH OF THE TITANS.  Now he’s got longer hair, a son, and a modest fishing business along the coast.  He’s not interested in doing the Hercules thing anymore and would rather be the Dad than pummel pillars in more petty squabbles with steroid-steeled scorpions and hormonal gorgons. 

Ah, but this demigod (like most, one supposes) hails from a broken home.  Perseus' Father Zeus (Liam Neeson) and Uncle Poseidon (Danny Huston) are losing power because humans—emboldened by Perseus’ heroic deeds—won’t worship them anymore.  A third Olympian uncle, the banished Hades (Ralph Fiennes), summons Zeus’ other son, vengeful Ares (Edgar Ramirez) to Tartarus to help awaken their lumbering, lava-based patriarch the titan Kronos, imprisoned in the underworld by Zeus eons ago.  Seems the young war god also has a bone to pick with stepbrother Perseus, who after the events of the first film only solidified his status as Zeus’ favorite. 

So yeah, it's the most dysfunctional film family since the Skywalkers.  And that’s just the boys.

Man on a Ledge

Review by Bob Ignizio

Ridiculous. Absurd. Preposterous. All three of these adjectives could be used to describe the plot of the new caper film MAN ON A LEDGE. Which just goes to prove that plot isn't everything when it comes to the movies, because as silly and implausible as this film gets, it's never anything less than entertaining.

Said plot concerns honest cop Nick Cassidy (Sam Worthington) being framed for stealing a really big diamond from evil rich guy David Englander (Ed Harris). While on leave from prison to attend his father's funeral, Nick manages a daring escape. Once free, he sets in motion a convoluted plan to prove his innocence that involves standing on a ledge and threatening to jump.