Review by Charles Cassady, Jr.
The Cleveland Movie Blog observes with respect the
passing of the legendary Shirley Temple Black, the former child actress who was
once the biggest star in Hollywood
- arguably the whole world.
Shirley Temple was lucky to have had her illustrious
heyday during the Great Depression. Because, if all our other child superstars
are anything to go by, could you imagine how badly Shirley Temple might have
turned out...had she worked in the movie industry of today? Especially for
Disney? Ugh.
She'd be all grown up and "twerking," in the
world's first secret internet sex tape shot especially in Real3D v.2.0 (a new
process illegally developed by James Cameron's delinquent kids). She'd be
listed in chemistry textbooks for being found addicted to substances new to the
Periodic Table of the Elements. She'd be facing deportation to the
International Space Station after breaking disturbing-the-peace laws in every
sovereign nation. She'd be having petitions signed against her by Justin
Bieber, Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohan and (via Ouija board) Emperor Caligula of
Imperial Rome. All agreeing that adult Shirley's antics are way outta line.
